Bucket List

So I was tagged in this note on facebook by one of my friends and it inspired me to write my own "Bucket List" of things I have yet to do but would like to do sometime. I've been wanting to do it since I saw the movie...which I loved!....and now seems like the perfect time.


The Bucket List. Place an 'X' by all the things you've done and remove the 'X' from the ones you have not. At the bottom of the list, add something you've done that's not already on the list. NO EXPLANATIONS! If someone asks you about something, then fine - explain away.


Things you have done during your lifetime:


(X) Gone on a blind date
(X) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
( ) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
(X) Been to Idaho
(X) Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
( ) Been on a helicopter
(X) Been lost
(X) Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
(X) Played cops and robbers
(X) Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
(X) Paid for a meal with coins only- If fries count :)
( ) Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't- Hasn't everyone?!
(X) Made prank phone calls
( ) Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain-naked- I love dancing in the rain...but not naked
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone
(X) Blown bubbles
(X) Gone ice-skating
(X) Gone to the movies
( ) Been deep sea fishing
( ) Driven across the United States
( ) Been in a hot air balloon
( ) Been sky diving
(X) Gone snowmobiling
( ) Lived in more than one country
(X) Laid down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
( ) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
( ) Seen the Statue of Liberty
( ) Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
( ) Been on a cruise
(X) Traveled by train
(X) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
(X) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland --- or Disney World
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
(X) Been in a rain forest
(X) Seen whales in the ocean
( ) Been to Niagara Falls
( ) Ridden on an elephant
( ) Swam with dolphins
( ) Been to the Olympics
( ) Walked on the Great Wall of China
( ) Saw and heard a glacier calve
( ) Been spinnaker flying
(X) Been water-skiing
(X) Been snow-skiing
( ) Been to Westminster Abbey
( ) Been to the Louvre
( ) Swam in the Mediterranean
(X) Been to a Major League Baseball game
(X) Been to a National Football League game
(X) Been to a Nascar Race
(X) Thrown up after riding a roller coaster or other carnival ride
(X) Buried a pet
( ) Been parasailing
(X) Lived through temperatures that are -30.- Stupid Idaho!
( ) Been to Iceland
( ) Climbed a rock wall
( ) Been on TV
( ) Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower
( ) Been whitewater rafting
( ) Played in a symphony
( ) Conducted a music ensemble
( ) Stayed in a B&B

And now for my Bucket List...

1. Tour Europe- Including Paris, Versailles, Monaco, London, Madrid, Barcelona, Sevilla, Milan, Venice, Rome, Vatican City, Sicily, Athens and all over Greece, and see the castles in Ireland and Denmark.

2. Walk on the Great Wall of China

3. Visit Easter Island

4. Go to New Zealand

5. Swim with dolphins

6. Truly make a difference in someone's life

7. Go back to school

8. Find true bliss

9. Conquer my fear of heights

10. Find real, true love

11. Have a family of my own

12. Climb another fourteener

13. Live my life for me!

Wow, after writing this all out and seeing how much I actually want to do I should probably get started now!!

My Wonderfully Wonderful Weekend

So... Thursday afternoon my friend Casie's mom text me and asked me if I wanted to go to Idaho with her...3 hours from then...eeeeek. So I ran upstairs, hopped in the shower, threw some clothes in a bag and we headed off on our way. Now before I go any further in my story we have to do a pause and rewind with a little background info. I've had a thing for Casie's brother Dustin for a while now...since like last may. And recently Lorrie, their mom has been trying on my end to get me together with him, which cracks me up but doesn't bother me in the least. So we've been conspiring on a trip up to Idaho. Ok now fast forward back to where we were. Lorrie and I drove to Layton on thursday then decided to stop for the night since it was late and we were both tired. I love driving through Utah at night. You can see all the pretty temples all around. It's just awesome. So Friday morning we got back on the road about 9:30. I absolutely love Lorrie. She's awesome and so fun to talk with. We got to Rexburg about 1 and drove to Dustin and Casie's grandparents house where we were staying and also where Dustin happens to be living :). We all hung out for a bit then Casie went to work and Dusty went to bed for a little while before dinner and bowling (he works from 3 am to about 9 or 10 am so he needed a nap). After a while Lorrie, Dusty and I went to visit Casie at work and have dinner there in Idaho Falls then drove back to Rexburg for bowling league with Dusty and his grandma. We chilled and watched them and Annie (the other sister) and I played air hockey for about an hour or longer. After bowling we went home and Dusty and I went down to his basement apartment and talked for about 2 hours or so till we were both falling asleep. Then I went back upstairs and waited for Casie to get there. Since there wasn't much room in their grandma's house Casie and I had to share a bed and at some point in the middle of the night I woke up and Casie was spooning me! She told me she was gonna cuddle with me before we went to sleep but I didn't think she was serious lol. She was pretty embarrassed the next morning when I told her about it though. That was about all the events of day 1.



Day 2 consisted of lunch at Fong's chinese restaurant. I woke Dusty up so I didn't have to go alone with Lorrie and the other Grandma. Then a lot of shopping and playing on Dusty's iPhone. Those things are awesome! I totally want one now and I am officially addicted to the hangman app on it. After a zillion hours of running around all over Rexburg...as much as one can run around there we finally went home. Sometime after that we had dinner somewhere and then Dusty, his roommate Chris and I went to see the movie Push. Normally I'd say it'd be awkward for there to be a third wheel on a date but we're so comfortable it was cool. The movie was ok, Dakota Fanning has definitely grown up. I'd say the best part of the movie was getting to stare at Chris Evans (Fantastic 4) for 2 hours...so hot! So after the movie we go back to the guys house and some other people come over to watch a movie. They choose Jumper to watch which I've already seen but oh well. Dusty and I laying on the LoveSac playing with his iPhone and cuddling...yes I did say cuddling :) and I was getting all kinds of looks from the other girls there when I got up the one time. I loved it lol. So then after everyone left we were still laying there and talking and falling asleep cuz it was like 12:30 and he had to be up in 2 1/2 hrs. Then he walked me back upstairs and I gave him a kiss on the cheek and that was that. Any other guy I would have totally kissed but because I like him I get all shy...I hate it! Doesn't help that he's really really shy all the time too.

Saturday I spent most of the day with Casie and her mom. We went to see Annie, who goes to cosmotology school, and I chopped about 3 or 4 inches off my hair! I love it, it looks so healthy now. It was in major need of some lovin. After that we went to a craft store, then to try and find Lorrie some new jeans at Down East, then over to Wal-Mart. Much to my surprise I was walking through Wally World and passed by my friend Julia from TX! She was in my old singles ward and just got married this last summer. It was so good to see her! She's just too cute. So after catching up and buying some cold medicine (I got sick on vacation :( ) we FINALLY went home and I was worn out. I went to lay down for a little bit and not 20 min later Dusty comes in and asks if I wanna go with him to a bday party...well DUH of course I did! So we went to the party and hung out all night then went home and fell asleep talking on the couch lol.

Sunday morning we left early but Dusty told me to wake him up before we left so I went down and jumped on his bed and scared the crap outta him. It was great :) He helped us pack the truck up then we said our goodbyes, hugged, I gave him a kiss on the cheek and then we were off. It was a great weekend, just what the dr ordered. I needed a life...even if it was just for a couple days lol. I really like him and he's a great guy. We've talked everyday since I left and I get to go back up there at the end of March, I can't wait!

So I just reread this and realized I could have just written that I went up to Idaho, cuddled with a boy I like, chopped some hair off, saw a friend I hadn't seen in forever and came home. But what fun would that have been?!

Catching Up

So I got on tonight with full intentions of finishing the blog I had started about my great weekend in Idaho this last weekend. BUT...I got distracted catching up on all the blogs that I have been slacking on reading. I have too many friends with cute babies and funny things to say! I promise I'll finish writing about Idaho soon...cuz you'll wanna read it ;-)

Too funny not to share

So I got this in an email the other day and I about fell out of my chair laughing because it is so true. I get sick of all the forwarded emails I get that we all know aren't know. Granted some of the information some people send is good, but most of it is crap, and the ones that say you have to forward it to so many people within such and such amount of time immediately go in my trash folder. I'm sorry if you actually believe in these kinds of emails and this offends you... and if you do...stop reading right now :)


Thanks for looking after me...

Just when you thought paranoia was dead.....

I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel....I actually do follow this one cuz it is true and I'm such a germaphobic lol

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.


I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's Novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes...

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.


I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face... disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS..

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

I can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Oh, by the way..... A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

I had to laugh because the whole time I was reading this I had my finger on my scroll pad lol. I hope yall enjoyed this as much as I did.

A Little About Me

200. My middle name is: Michelle
199. I was born on: March 12
198. I am really: Shy until you get to know
197. My cell phone company is: Verizon
196. My eye color is: Blue
195. My shoe size is: 7
194. My ring size is: 6 last time I checked but my fingers shrink and swell constantly
193. My height is: 5' 5"
192. I am allergic to: bananas, shellfish, latex, chocolate, cats, anything scented like lotions or perfumes or even soaps, flowers, shea butter and hemp
191. I was born in: Ukiah, CA
190. I live in: Montrose
189. The last book I read: A Mary Higgins Clark one
188. My bed is: really soft and comfy and warm...2 feather beds and an electric blanket :)
187: One thing you hate about yourself: My illness
179. My favorite Holiday is: Christmas & 4th of July
177. The last three cd ( s ) I bought: goodness I never buy em ummmm...Colby Callait, a christmas one and one for my nephew, don't remember what it was
176. Last song that made me cry was: How Great Thou Art at Adam's funeral :(
175. Are you taken or Single: 100% single and happy that way lol
174. If your taken, by who?: myself :)
173. Do you like being single / taken?: I believe I just said I was
170. What did you do last night?: Ate dinner and watched a movie with Casie's parents lol

There are a lotta questions missing...

I Do ( YES ) / Do Not ( NO ) Believe In -
142. Love at first sight?: Lust at first sight, you can't love someone unless you truly know them
141. Luck?: Yes
140. Fate?: Sure
139. Yourself?: You betcha
138. Aliens?: Only in movies
137. Heaven?: Of course, it'd be a dark and dismal life if we had nothing to look forward to
136. Hell?: There mmust be an opposition in all things...
135. Ghost?: Spirits....to a certain extent. People blow it all way outta porportion
134. Horoscopes?: Ha! Ha! No
133. Soulmates?: Yes

Which is Better? -
129. Hugs or Kisses?: Kisses are great but hugs keep you outta trouble for the most part. And I love a good hug :)
128. Drunk or High: NEITHER
127. Phone or Online: Everything's easier online. I hate talking on the phone and iming is easierthan texting
126. Redheads or Black hair: Redheads are crazy!....Cept for Camo
125. Blondes or Brunettes: Either
124. Hot or Cold: HOT! How about right in the middle
123. Summer or winter: Summer in CO and winter in TX....life would be good
121. Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla doesn't give me hives :)
120. Night or Day: Night...You get to sleep at night!
119. Oranges or Apples: Oranges all the way
118. Curly or Straight hair: Since I have both I'll say both

Here's What I Think About -
116. Abortion: No one has the right to kill another human being no matter the circumstances. Plently of people would love a baby that someone would be willing to throw away.
115. Backstabbers: They're small, insecure people
114. Parents: Love em!

Last time I -
103. Went out of town: A couple weeks ago I went to TX yayayay
102. Had food: A few hrs ago
101. Seen someone I haven't seen for a while: 2 weeks ago
100. Cried in front of someone: A week ago
99. Grew: I think I was like 19 or 20 when I stopped growing

MISC -
90. Who is the ditziest person you know? Casie or Amy it's a toss-up. Love ya both!
89. Who makes you laugh the most? My dad and Paul
82. What I don't understand: A lot of things
80. The most unsatisfactory answer I've ever received is: no answer at all
79. Something I will miss when I leave home is: my family, my doggies, my kitties, the pretty scenery,
78. The thing that I'm looking forward to the most: Going to Idaho!
77. The thing that I'm not looking forward to is: Waking up early for church and dealing with crazy 6 yr olds
73. Tomorrow: Church, food, nap, more food, tv, sleep
72. Today: I should go to bed
71. Next Summer: No clue
70. Next Week: Idaho hopefully!
67. People call me: lots of things I'm sure lol...but most commonly it's Holls, Holly Dolly, Princess...thanks Rach
62. The person who knows the most about me is: Rachel
60. The most difficult thing to do is: Watch someone hurting and not being able to do anything about it
59. I have gotten a speeding ticket: 2 in almost 9 years....not too shabby
56. My zodiac sign is: Pisces
55. The first person I talked to today was: My dad
54. First time you had a crush: Kindergarten...Tommy Barrington! hahaha
53. The one person who can't hide things from me: RACHEL...yet sometimes she still tries lol
52. Last time someone said something that you were thinking?: I don't remember
51. Right now I am talking to: No one...it's 2 am, everyone's asleep
50. What is your dream job?: doing something that I love...just don't know what that is quite yet
49. First job?: cleaning motel rooms...yuck
48. I have / will get a job at?: Disabled
47. I have these pets: 2 dogs, 3 cats, 9 chickens and 3 horses...lol I live on Old McDonald's farm
46. I hope: Things go well in Idaho
45. The worst sound in the world: People smacking they're food/gum. Or chewing really close to you
44. The person that makes me cry the most is: My body lol
39. My girlfriend is: I like guys...
35. Florida or Hawaii: Hawaii definitely
33. My favorite piece of clothing is: Any pair of comfy pants
32. My favorite sport is: FOOTBALL to watch, volleyball to play
31. Last time I cried: last sunday
30. My friends are: CRAZY and AMAZING and the BEST
29. My computer is: Ghetto
28. The school I go to is: Done with that
27. Last person I got mad at: My mother...who else?
22. The all-time best movie is: I can't pick just one!
21. The all-time best thing in the world is: Feeling loved, whether it be by family, friends or one idividual
18. The most annoying person you know is: I'm not gonna say...
17. I lose respect for people who: Don't stand up for themselves or for what they believe in, and ignorant people
16. The movies I have cried at are: There have been a couple but the most recent was Marley & Me
15. Closest friend name: Rachel, Casie, Stacy, Sara, Angie
13. Favorite web site: Google....it knows everything! hehe
11.The worst pain I was ever in was?: When I had an ovarian cyst and I was in the ER at Centennial Hospital all night and I was flying home that morning
10. My favorite phrase is: Ohok
9. My room is: In need of a good cleaning
8. My favorite celebrity is: Don't really have one
5. My weakness is: Cute boys & I'm a little too honest sometimes
4. What I like about the opposite sex: Eyes, smile & arms
3. Who broke your heart: a couple people
2. One thing that makes you feel great is: My friends
1. You filled out 200 questions because?: I didn't fill out 200 questions...but I filled out however many cuz I'm bored and so anyone who happens to read my blog can learn a little more about me.

99 Things

99 Things Tag

This seems like a fun and easy sort of tag!
(Just copy and paste this to your blog and bold the ones that you HAVE done.)

1. STARTED YOUR OWN BLOG
2. SLEPT UNDER THE STARS
3. PLAYED IN A BAND -if you count middle school
4. VISITED HAWAII
5. WATCHED A METEOR SHOWER
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. BEEN TO DISNEYLAND
8. CLIMBED A MOUNTAIN- Mt Lassen & Mt Sneffles....Lassen was mostly on my dad's shoulders cuz I was like 5 :)
9. HELD A PREYING MANTIS
10. SANG A SOLO- a few actually
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. WATCHED A LIGHTENING STORM AT SEA
14. TAUGHT YOURSELF AN ART FROM SCRATCH
15. Adopted a child- Hopefully someday :)
16. HAD FOOD POISONING
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. GROWN YOUR OWN VEGETABLES
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. HAD A PILLOW FIGHT
22. HITCH HIKED
23. TAKEN A SICK DAY WHEN YOU'RE NOT ILL
24. BUILT A SNOW FORT
25. HELD A LAMB
26. GONE SKINNY DIPPING
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice- Only the one in Telluride haha
29. SEEN A TOTAL ECLIPSE
30. WATCHED A SUNRISE OR SUNSET
31. HIT A HOME RUN
32. Been on a cruise- Not allowed to go on em...too many chances to get sick in closed quarters
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. TAUGHT YOURSELF A NEW LANGUAGE- Working on learning sign language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. GONE ROCK CLIMBING
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. SANG KARAOKE
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. BOUGHT A STRANGER A MEAL AT A RESTAURANT
44. Visited Africa
45. WALKED ON A BEACH BY MOONLIGHT
46. BEEN TRANSPORTED IN AN AMBULANCE- They're quite bumpy
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person- A trip to Italy is my DREAM
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. GONE SCUBA DIVING OR SNORKELING
52. KISSED IN THE RAIN
53. PLAYED IN THE MUD
54. GONE TO A DRIVE-IN THEATER
55. BEEN IN A MOVIE- Home movies...hehe
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. TAKEN A MARTIAL ARTS CLASS
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen- If they had one here I totally would
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies- Bought lots and lots of em!
62. GONE WHALE WATCHING- I was too young to remember though :(
63. GOTTEN FLOWERS FOR NO REASON
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma- They don't want my diseased blood lol
65. Gone sky diving- I'd have a heart attack!!
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp- I don't know if I could handle that emotionally
67. BOUNCED A CHECK
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. SAVED A FAVORITE CHILDHOOD TOY
70. VISITED THE LINCOLN MEMORIAL
71. EATEN CAVIAR- It's yucky
72. PIECED A QUILT
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London (I've seen the changing of the guard at Arlington Cemetery.)...ditto I hear it's much better anyway :)
77. Broken a bone- I don't count toes or fingers
78. BEEN ON A SPEEDING MOTORCYCLE
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person- Want to
80. Published a book - Just a poem
81. Visited the Vatican- Would love to
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem- I WISH!
84. HAD YOUR PICTURE IN THE NEWSPAPER
85. Read the entire Bible
86. VISITED THE WHITE HOUSE
87. KILLED AND PREPARED AN ANIMAL FOR EATING- Only if fish count
88. HAD CHICKENPOX
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury- My "disability" gets me out of it hehe
91. MET SOMEONE FAMOUS
92. JOINED A BOOK CLUB
93. LOST A LOVED ONE
94. Had a baby
95. SEEN THE ALAMO IN PERSON
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. BEEN INVOLVED IN A LAWSUIT- My first car accident our insurance company sued theirs
98. OWNED A CELL PHONE
99. BEEN STUNG BY A BEE- Lots of times

To Those Who've Gone Before...

Over the course of my recent 2 week visit to TX I had the opportunity to go and visit the grave of my best friend Paul. I should have been visiting him, but he decided to take his own life 3 years ago. While sitting there talking to him...and I'm sure looking like a crazy person to everyone that drove by...I feel like I can bare it all. Lay it all out on the table. And not only because he's not there to argue or judge but because it's Paul. He would always be the one I could and did tell everything to. And when he was gone it was hard. I felt like I didn't have anyone who knew all my secrets and that I'd have to find that all over again. His death was one of the worst times in my life. I've been sick and begging the nurses to kill me and put me out of my misery, but never before had I felt such heartache and pain. Over the years it's gotten easier, and part of that has been realizing that he is still with me. People say that all the time "I know he's here with me" and we all just look at them and roll our eyes and think they're wackos. But I know what I have felt and I know it's real. And the fact that I have felt him there next to me in the temple solidifies that I'm not just imagining it, or wishing he were. Paul will always be my best guy friend. No man can ever replace him or live up to him. And now that I've gotten over the hurt...for the most part...I can look back at the pictures we've taken or the many memories I have with him and smile and laugh because I know that's what he would want. He never wanted anyone to be sad around him. It made him mad if someone made a girl cry. And so as I sit here and write this I smile through the tears, though they're not tears of sadness. They're tears for the times we laughed so hard we cried. Times we went to wal-mart at 3 am to get ice cream. Times when he forcibly made me sit and watch a scary movie "cuz it'll make you tough". Tears for the times that are yet to come, and for the time when I will see him again. There's one more cheerleader in heaven rootin for me.



Shortly after writing this blog I learned that one of my very good friend's older brothers had passed away early saturday morning. He was 33, died in his sleep and they don't know what from. In my last blog about lessons learned, one of them was to cherish the people you love, because they can be taken from you in an instant. While I watch my friend go through torment and grief I can't help but think "I'm glad it's not my brother". I feel completely horrible even thinking that let alone putting it in here for all to see. Sara's brother had been on a mission, and he had been through the temple. He had a place to go home to. As much as we will all miss him, he will be in a better place where he will be happy and his mind will be perfect. I worry so much for my brothers. Both have rejected the church, and no matter how hard I try I cannot get them to come back. Their lifestyles aren't exactly in line with the church and they've taken their familes down that path too. I can't imagine spending eternity without them but brothers are not sealed to their spouses so my nephews and niece are not sealed to them. I pray for the day when I see that happen and I can know that my family will all be safe and all be together.